Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
