from now on my penis is your penis
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
