alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
