Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
