I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
