i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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