Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
