Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
