Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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