I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
