how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
