would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
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