I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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