I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
