for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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