I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
