I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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