she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
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