I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
