I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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