We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
