So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
