no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
