Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
