I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Randomize
