I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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