bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Randomize
