NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
