In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I am one with the molecules
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
