A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
y did u give ur computer a hand job?
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
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