I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Randomize
