in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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