Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
