make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
please don't ironically join a cult
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