She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
