You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
