he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
