Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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