How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
should my penis look like a turkey
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize
