dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
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