So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
