There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Randomize
