why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
