My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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