you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Randomize
