So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I will pee on everything he values.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
