I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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