I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Do you remember whose house we're in?
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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