he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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