would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
