i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
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