I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
