I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
