I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
