You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
